Thursday, July 8, 2010

Say Rylee To Me

This weekend will be 6 months. I don't know how we have made it 6 months and not sure how we will make it though 6 more. I miss her so much.

This is something that was given to us from one of the leaders of a support group we go to.


The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I'm doing? Never is the name of our daughter mentioned to me a curtain descends, the moment has passed. A life slips from frequent recall. There are exceptions close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family, for most, the drama is over. The spot life is off. Applause is silent, but for me the play will never end. The effects on me are timeless. Say Rylee to me. On the stage of my life she has been both lead and supporting actress. Do not tiptoe around one of the greatest events of my life. Love does not die. Her name is written on my life. The sound of her voice replays within my mind. You feel she is dead. I feel she is of the dead and still lives. She ghostwalks my soul. Beckoning in future welcome. You say she was my daughter, I say she is. Say Rylee to me and say Rylee again. It hurt to bury her memory in silence. What she was in flesh is no longer with us what she is in spirit stirs within me always. She was of my past but she is part of me now. She is my hope for the future. You say not to remind me. How little you understand and I can not forget. I would not if I could understand you. But feel pain in being forced to. I forgive you. Because you could not know and I would forgive you anyway. I accept how you see me, but understand you do not see me at all. I strive not to judge you. For yesterday I was like you. I love you, will make no exceptions toward you, but I wish that you could understand that dwell in both flesh and spirit. The mystery is that you do too, but know it not. I do not ask you to walk this road. The assent is steep and the burden is heavy. I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk with her flesh. Looking not to the spirit roads beyond. I am what I have to be what I have lost you can not feel. What I have gained you can not see, and I would not have you. Say Rylee to me for she is alive in me, She and I will meet again, though in many ways we've never parted. She and her life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets in my dreams. She is real and shadow was and is. Say Rylee to me and say Rylee again. She is my daughter and I lover her as I always did.

I'm a bit of a daredevil

About Me

I'm a Mom of two wonderful children, Andrew(4) and Rylee(1). My husband and I are originally from NY and moved to FL 6 years ago. I love it here and won't move back but this is where I live my home will always be in NY. When I die someone better fly my ass back there to bury me. I love hanging outside with the kiddos, sports, working out and taking pictures.