Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"I would Die If I Lost My Child"

I have heard so many things over the past year. I try and tell myself "they don't know any better." Oh, how I am thankful they don't know. That is what we call innocence in the grief support group I go to. I do however want to vent about people saying " I would Die If I Lost My Child." It makes my skin crawl. It's like saying " I love my child more then you love yours." Don't get me wrong, I feel like dieing, and part of me already has. How selfish of me to do that to Drew, my innocent, sweet, albeit rambunctious 7 year old. He has already endured more then any child should. He watched his sister be so sick. I left him for weeks at a time to be at a hospital 2 hours away, he was whisked away as his sister was dieing in my arms not knowing that he would NEVER see her again. I could never do that to him. Then there is my parents. I know what it's like to lose a child. I could never choose to make them live this life. They already have to deal with the lose of their granddaughter and endure the pain of watching their child face the worst thing in the world, and there is nothing they can do. How could I do that to James, the only other person who knows how I truly feel. You will die a different death, an emotional one, but not a physical one. It will hit you, that no matter how painful it is to lose your child, you are not honoring their memory at all by dieing. I look forward to the day I die, because I will once again be with my baby girl. I want it to be when it's my time though, right now I need to be here for my son. I don't love Rylee any less because I'm still here living.

13 comments:

Full Service Woman said...

They don't realize what they are saying. Eventually their children will be old enough to move out...lets hope that they don't die then, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

AugMom06 said...

Janet, thank you for sharing. Your words are well spoken and very helpful to someone like me who doesn't understand what you and so many other friends of mine experience on a daily basis. Thank you for continuously providing insight.

agadka said...

those are one of the worst things peoples and saying without even realize what they do. i know best what it is like. i lost my son over 2 years ago now but the pain is just the same :/ the worst thing is that you just have to move on and live without your baby like he/she never exist but they will always be in our hearts :*

agadka said...

i just realise my son also died on the 10th of january but 2009.

going to follow you to see how you re donig

Michelle and Sean said...

I have heard this many times since my daughter passed. I don't even know what to say to people. I feel like you though. Or when people tell me how they would be a wreck and I seem to be holding up so well. I feel like saying to them, "you really have no idea how I'm feeling. You are just seeing me trying to function, not what is going on in the inside of me." Its frustrating but I just try not to think about those people too much because I can barely function as it is and I can't put any of my energy anywhere else but trying to breathe. Thank you for posting this, it is the same exact thing that I was talking to my husband about.

Biddie said...

I just stumbled upon your blog..I have so much that I would like to say to you. Nothing will take away your pain, I know.
I had a still born son in 1990, and my heart still aches for him. Maybe I understand a little bit of what you feel.
I am so, so, sorry for your loss.
Bridget

Doula Love'sCreation said...

Well said. Your Beloved child Rylee! Continued blessings and love to you and your family. I just came across your blog and am quite moved by your words. Thank you for sharing them. I am not a mother but I assist women in childbirth. A dear friend and client of mine lost her son Jay about 8 years ago. He was 29 years young. We agreed that she would get a massage from me prior to going back to work. She came for massage 3 months later and wailed on my table. I saw her grace and strength as she continued to press on. She never uttered those words, but I am sure she may have felt as though she were dying. She made innate primal sounds from my massage table... cries only a wounded mother can make. Mothers like you and my friend who have released their children to the other side heal humanities' soul. You each hold a place for us to be released from our ignorance and impatience, until we come to truly and compassionately understand how to honor the process of grieve another experiences. I learned that day as my friend wailed on my table how to be with another human being while they were in pain. My friend taught me to be silent and hold a space of loving. I know that you have taught many around you this very same lesson. Take good care Rylee's mom and family. Love and Light to you and yours.

Best Penis Enlargement Pills said...

I really enjoy reading your articles. thanks for sharing information Vimax

Danusia Jurandówna said...

"You will die a different death, an emotional one, but not a physical one" - it is the hardest way of dying... emotional dying...

Sorry for your loss...

Purple to u to said...

God bless you as the tears threaten to fall upon my face my heart goes out to you and your family. Sending love.

Educated and Unemployed said...

From someone who cares, but doesn't know what to say: I wish the best for you.

Jaimee Hunter said...

My sister Gayla was killed in a car accident in March, and my entire family is devistated. We too are amazed, appalled and sometimes amused at the horrible and thoughtless things people say. My heart and my prayers goes out to you.

Firehero : Lord of Flames said...

Stay Strong


I'm a bit of a daredevil

About Me

I'm a Mom of two wonderful children, Andrew(4) and Rylee(1). My husband and I are originally from NY and moved to FL 6 years ago. I love it here and won't move back but this is where I live my home will always be in NY. When I die someone better fly my ass back there to bury me. I love hanging outside with the kiddos, sports, working out and taking pictures.

Followers