Reflecting

Ok, so I know I owe updates but for whatever reason I just have not been able to come here and write. I will give a brief update as to what happened to us the at the beginning of the New Year, then I will hopefully come back to do all the post I wanted to but never did. This post will mostly be about this past year.

New Year's eve Rylee's pump started to beep saying "No Flow" now this happens and usually there is a kink some where, we could find none. James and I just kept playing with it trying to get it to work, it was a no go. We had to turn the pump off, that means no food. The next night we looked at everything and all looked fine so we hooked her up and left the room. Once again "No FLow" now are stumped. It looked as if there was a leak so we switched the tube, still not any better. I was so upset because this means she is getting nothing. For the first time I called the emergency line, never do this not even when she stops breathing. We were told to that basically she would need to have the tube done again. We tried a few things at home to help but nothing worked. Tuesday we had to take her back in to get another removal replacement. She went 5 days with almost no food. You know what that means, weight loss:( All seems ok for now, still having a few issues with it and I hope we get those figured out.

Ok, on to the real reason for this post. We have been sent many " wishing you a better 2009 messages" Now I appreciate these wishes and know they come from the best of intentions and I also hope we have a better year. Here is the thing though somewhere in all this craziness people forget the good times. 2008 had good times for us too. I have learned that you need to make lemonade out of lemons. There is no denying that we have it rough,to be honest I think I have had it rough since I was 16( most of you know the history.)Life is what you make of it. I can sit here and decide to crawl up in a ball or I can say "ok this is our lives and it sucks but that does not mean we can't have good times." Sink or swim is my motto and for as long as I live I will choose to swim as hard as I can no matter how tough the current can get. I want the happy memories too. The only way to have those is to make them. I love when people call me to complain about their lives and somewhere in the conversation I always here " your the last person I should complain too" No, call me I am here for you. I rarely listen to people and think their problem is not just as big as mine. At that moment in their life it is the worst thing that they can imagine. Call me, it takes my mind off of our lives. I wish so many things for 2009 and I know not all of them will happen but I will be thankful for what ever we are given. This year will start off much as the same as last year but I promise you for all the bad there will be good. We are blessed in so many ways I want to remember those times. So, thank you for the wishes, I just don't want to lose sight that our family laughs as well as cry's.