TWO!!!!

Ok, so not going to promise more post or apologize for not posting. Sometimes I find it easy to come here and others find it really hard to write. So, I will be here when I can and disappear when I want to. I guess that's the perks of it being my blog. I really wish I would write more, we will see.

I can not believe Rylee is two but on Feb 5th she was. A day of mixed emotions for me. Oh, how I am so grateful that she is two and she is here. Of course you can sense the big "BUT." I can't help but be a little sad and cheated. I feel like we have missed out on so many things. Nothing has gone as it should, and we will never get those days back. On the other hand, she is TWO!!! I posted a status update on facebook a day before her birthday that I was sad. Of course I got all the replies of "just be happy that she is here." God help me I am beyond grateful, but in all this craziness It is only natural for our family to be sad. I don't express many of those moments so when I do I need to be able to just have them. It in no way means I take for granted that she was here for her second birthday. I was so sad that my beautiful baby girl could not eat her cake. This child loves food. I want to sing happy birthday cut her a piece and happily clean up the mess. As you all know this would not happen. I am sad that two years later we are in no better a situation then we were when she was first taken to ACH at 5 weeks old. I'm just plane sad that my child does not know a life with out Dr's, therapy, hospital stays and tubes being put in and out of her, that she spends about 18 hours a say hooked up to a pole. For that moment I just needed to be able to feel the way I did.

Now I will tell you how great her birthday was. It was quiet and small and perfect. Her brother opened her presents because she could care less and we did have cupcakes and she did awesome with it. She was of course a little upset but on a whole not bad at all. We had a party for her that Saturday. I will not write about all the medical drama that was going on I will save that for hopefully another post. Due to everything happening we were not sure how she would do. All in all she did really well. We could not put her down the entire day but that was ok because she was happy. We were happy to be holding her. For the situation we could not have asked for a better day. Thank you to all of you who were here to help us celebrate. Hopefully this year will bring many happy moments but we will also allow the sad ones.

Janet