3 Months plus

It has been a little over 3 months since that awful night. I was hesitant to write about it. Society believes my life has gone on. That 3 months is long enough. People forget, or don't know what to say. 3 months is nothing, 2o years will be nothing. The gaping hole will be there forever. To society I want to say FU!!! There is no limit to grief, especially when it's the lose of my child. The days are busy, very busy. That is the only way for me to survive right now. We go on for Drew, that is not a choice. On the outside I look whole, on the inside I am shattered into a gazillion pieces. I find it hard to write this because nothing compares to what Rylee lived everyday and how hard she fought to be with us for as long as she could. I love her, it's so plane and simple I just love her, want her, miss her.

Mother's Day is right around the corner. We have to go back to NY. Part of me is happy so I can be at the cemetery and the other part of me just wants to stay here and ignore it all. James and I have to pick out the headstone. How did we get here? A headstone for our baby. I just want to scream. Friday night we will put on our happy faces and help his brother celebrate his engagement. I am truly happy for him but, dread that weekend.