Would I choose to not have had Rylee?

Shocking question, I know! When I first heard this question by another Mom who lost her child my immediate thought was HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! This Mother was asked this question by a friend around the anniversary of her child's death. It struck me, because she didn't know the answer to it. Her answer was " I don't know" She said " I don't know what I would pick, I am grateful for the time with my son but, to live with this pain forever is so unbearable." She honestly didn't know if her life would have been better never having had her son. I will not judge this women, I know her pain. Her son passed away four years ago and yet, she still does not know, because her pain from his death is so deep. This was so profound for me. My answer is still HELL NO! but, I had to stop and think after she gave her reason for not knowing. She's right, the pain is so awful and it will never go away. For me, I would never trade, the laughs, smiles, tears, screams, hugs, kisses, touch, feel, smell. She was mine, and I would never give that up. I would however, do anything to have her back where she belongs.