Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Words are painful

Everyone keeps asking if I have blogged? I want to, but, writing is almost to painful. Mother's Day and 4 months happened with in a day of each other. The day before Mother's Day we picked out Rylee's headstone. I can't begin to explain how awful that was. In that moment, it seemed to real. The guy had to draw the whole thing out. Looking at a piece of paper that is designed like a tombstone with Rylee Bridget Andersen 2-5-07 - 1-10-10 on it hit like a ton of bricks. Why? What purpose does it serve? I will never understand why my arms were not good enough. Mother's protect their children, they make them better. On the night of 1-10 my baby looked into my eyes, crying and gasping for air and there was nothing I could do. I could not take her pain away, I could not save her. So, on Mother's Day I felt as if I had let her down. I am proud to be Rylee's Mother and I will always be her Mama. I just hate that she is not here and that I could not stop her body from failing her.

3 comments:

Jessica said...

Janet,

You are a great mother. You did everything you could for Rylee. She fought a good fight, but sadly Mito won. You were able to comfort her, hold her, and love her when she needed you the most. You did not let her down.

Jessica

Lucinda said...

I'm always thinking about you Janet. And continuing to pray for peace! {{Hugs}}

Chrissie, Christine, Chris, Mommy, Mama, Maaaaa... said...

Janet,
My heart breaks for you and for all of the parents that have had to go through the devastating loss of a child. I know what you mean all too well when you say Moms are supposed to make their children better. It's a horrible feeling to know that you can't kiss this sickness away. I am sending you hugs daily and saying prayers for you, James, Drew and your family... and of course for Rylee as she sends you butterflies and kisses from heaven


I'm a bit of a daredevil

About Me

I'm a Mom of two wonderful children, Andrew(4) and Rylee(1). My husband and I are originally from NY and moved to FL 6 years ago. I love it here and won't move back but this is where I live my home will always be in NY. When I die someone better fly my ass back there to bury me. I love hanging outside with the kiddos, sports, working out and taking pictures.

Followers